Sunday, February 7, 2016

I'M BACK.... 1.25. 2016

My new companion….Sister Banks!!!!!!

Hej Hej—

it has been like a month since i actually wrote. really sorry about that.
i have had no energi to write. Omygoodness, do you see how i spelled energy...that is swedish spelling oops. you say it like this
eh nurr hweeeee ehnurrhwee hahaha

I’ll start with something that changed my whole week about 2 weeks ago. 
I recieved a card from my best friend from home. Ellen Ford!!!! Gosh I freaking love you so much. She is the most beautiful hilarious strawberry blonde. We spent hours laughing at nothing. We just like to BE. 
I got a card from her just encouraging me and telling me I’m beautiful and awesome and omygoodness i needed it so bad. Even the color of the card envelope just made me feel better and made me realize how well she knows me. She totally knew i needed sunlight.. the envelope was yellow :) 
It was so so so perfect for me at that second. I needed it so bad and it really helped me get through the last couple weeks of the transfer…Ellen you won’t ever understand how much that card meant.  It changed a lot for me. It gave me courage and strength and it was just...perfect.

I had a prettyy rough transfer last transfer. About 4 days into the 6 week transfer I prayed to know what to do....because her attitude was already affecting me so much....all i heard from the spirit was,Tan, you're going to change....
and all i said was, okay. 

I could feel very strongly that the changes that would be made wouldnt be anything i would see in my missionary life...but in my home the future...

I was ready to change....well...
my companion was pretty good at being negative and complaining about everything, that it wore me down. It took a lot out of me. Mostly because with her the spirit was just gone. The spirit is something I 100% rely on. It gives me energi and love for myself, ability to focus, desire to work, confidence to be myself.....
I can strongly say i did not feel the spirit once in our apartment together and very seldom outside of it. 
It drained me. I got really sick, physically and mentally. My body failed me. There were mornings I was in so much pain I couldn't stand to get out of bed. 
I was SO angry. With myself, Heavenly Father, and just stupid stuff, like snow and darkness haha 
I was really...not happy. 
I felt like okay this my trial on my mission. This companion is my trial. And you want me to tough it out and grow or something and be a tough girl and grow up. You want me to be humbled. I get it. I’m not strong enough for this, AM I HUMBLE NOW. 
Obviously not...but it came to the point where I COULD NOT handle this anymore….I had to ask for help.... I asked my family and friends to pray and fast for me as I opened up about this trial I was having.... we fasted together and i got my answer.... I need to be humble enough to ask for help. 
It seems like a really simple thing to learn from such a traumatic, dramatic, dark month and a half...but it means so much more to me than that. 
This all caused me to turn into myself and its been a slow turn to try to turn out of myself and towards the savior. 
Every day became something to cry about then eventually there wasnt anymore to give. No emotion. Thats not me. Thats not Tanner Adell Giles. 
I wasn’t me for a lot of last transfer. But I am so excited to say I am working really hard on getting back to where I was before and growing again from there, in a more positive way. 
Sometimes happiness isn’t a switch... you can’t just turn it on....but God did not design us to be sad. He created us to discover learn what love is. So if we trust him, he will help us see the good, beautiful, bright things of life...and sure enough the world will become brighter....
no, it doesnt happen instantly but honestly, how many good things do?
…It feels to me like the best things like raspberry jam at the ranch, dutch oven potatos, a sand sculpture, a super deep hole in the sand at the beach...take patience, and work..
"and God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, niether shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away”  He will wipe away my tears, but in the time I needed it most he gave me people to wipe those for me. 
I am in debt to Elder Bliss and Elder DeMordaunt...
I feel so blessed that I had them there to keep me feeling important and happy. I am so grateful to them...they were my angels, kept my head above water...
leaving them was way hard. They both wrote me amazing goodbye letters and actually, Elder Demordaunt got me this awesome sweater with a polar bear on an iceberg on it and Elder Bliss gave me his beloved cow shirt. (Cows are my favorite animal) and now we are all in different areas but they are my best friends. 
I am soo glad i got to serve with Elder Bliss for almost 4 months. He literally is my best friend. 
I am really thankful for this new christlike love I have been able to attain on my mission... its so beautiful and lovely and clean and pure. My heart has just opened up.

well....i am out of the south of weird. 
I was down there for 10 months of my mission. and it was paradise. I prayed so hard to get stuck down there and i did :) I was truly blessed to have my prayers answered in that way....i have seen so many of my prayers I have seen that Heavenly Father really is there and cares about my individual happiness.. I’ve seen parts of my transfers where because of certain people around me, I have been able to grow with help...which i really needed. 

Leaving Jönköping was SO. HARD. OMYGOODNESS. I sang in sacrament meeting and cried through like the whole song. I was so sad to leave that area. 
but….I am in Hägersten (southern area of Stockholm) now...which is actually where I felt I needed to be….Heavenly Father is watching out. 
Basically my companion is everything I need right now. She is just 6 weeks younger than me in the mission, so its nice to have someone who can actually speak swedish and is on the same level as me. she is from California which juustttt  addsss to the awesome….hahaha, we clicked so fast. We are hilarious...there have been some extremely hilarious moments this week. We do everything together! HA.   Like but really...she's my we have to...but in normal life I could say she would definatly be a best friend that would probably be someone i would just do everything with. 
She just lifts my spirits and makes me feel good about myself. She never has anything negative to say about anyone or anything...never complains....just grateful to be alive and just likes to be happy. We even made cookie dough for are perfect for each other.
I had a couple of monumental happenings this week...first companionship study, I FELT THE SPIRITTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sister Banks wanted to read Alma 57 together so we read and for some reason it just really touched me. i felt like Heavenly Father had to have felt so sad to watch the sons of Helaman in this epic battle of WICKED strategy. Like, sooo greattt. At the end of the chapter helaman writes about the boys and how much he loves them and how blessed they are and i just started to cry. The spirit was just telling me you can do it, you can do it, you can do it!  The spirit was telling me this HAPPENED!!! That they need to be my examples for my mission and the rest of my life. And, that dang, I have a pretty AMAZING mommy!!!!!!!!

I have felt the spirit soooo strong here in Hägersten!!!!! its incredibly strong here!!! 
The music coordinator for this ward of 28 active members called the day I got here to ask me to have a musical number on Sunday....hahaha word travels fast...
so i had the oppurtunity to speak and sing with an accompanist. ….there was strongest i’ve felt while singing...and everyone was crying and just after they were so grateful and open about expressing how they felt when i sang. 
That is something I have seen in me is that when I sing and others feel the spirit, that is what makes me happy. much more than just being happy…it's JOY. 
My district is hilarious and adorable. 
There are 6 of us
2 from Utah
2from California
1 from France
1 from Finland

SO. AWESOME. So i am learning French and Finnish right now. 

They’re so awesome haha..I’m a little bummed we won’t be seeing them today because we switched our p-day time to Wednesday because guess what...

If you don’t remember, Anna Lill is my favorite. She is from Gävle and is the old lady that tortures missionaríes and makes bomb korv (sausage type meal) haha
I called her and she just was sooo excited that I was in Stockholm. Immediately she offered to come down and take us out. So she and Janne are coming down :)
she still calls me her lilla chokladbit - leela hohcklaudbeet ( little chocolate piece basically) The Lord is just...pouring out blessings… it's incredible and immeasurable and unfathomable.
It will be such an amazing reunuion. I’m hoping to meet up with a couple other Gävle members while I am here.

Well...there needs be for a funny story....basically….I am wanted dead by some unseen force from the underworld. 
or i am getting payback for laughing so hard every time i think about Elder Bliss flying down the stairs at Lars Malm’s house. 
everytime i think of it, I text him and ask if he remembers haha
"yeees okayy, yees I remember Sister Giless"
Well....we had an AWESOME meeting with our ward mission leader Patrick who is from the Congo!! The elders gave me a blessing and then we were sprinting out the door to catch the bus.....running across the snow, there begins to be a my mind I'm just yelling 

makers of ugg boots, I shake my fist at you. 

Man..... I I landed at least 6 feet from where I initially slipped.
It was hilarious but also, I landed on my butt/hip SO SO HARD. Like I layed there screaming for a good 15 seconds…couldn't stand...needed help walking. 
I am in a decent amount of pain has moved up my back and is just super tender. 
karma karma karmaaaa. But like I was laughing so hard about it and I'm still laughing about it because it was so funny!!! People falling, slipping...its my weakness. 
So that night Sister Banks is like, we are doing an oil treatment on your back...puts on like 10 different oils and puts a hot rag and stuff on and I lay there for a bit...time for bed...go to sleep....wake up the next morning..turns out I am super allergic to something she put on my back because I woke up with a thick mat of hives allllllll completely covering my back. itchy.....

still recovering 

Well, that was basically my week. we have found 11 new people since I have been here. I am kind of a cleaner upper. I get sent to areas that aren’t very bouncy and just find a bunch of people and build a teaching pool for whoever wants to follow in after I leave and baptize all of them. 

I am a hunter :) not a fisher. 

I love you all!!!!!!! talk to you next week!

Love, Syster Giles

Elder Bliss and his manicured eyebrows

My Elders!

The city with snow and cool bikes

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